globalmidtown

i live in the land where papyrus grows in the medians, falcons roost on villa window sills, traffic comes to a screeching halt to allow herds of camels to cross the highway, scorpion tracks are everywhere, twenty shades of sand accentuate landscape … this land is known as the western region of the empty quarter desert of abu dhabi . here men rub noses as a form of greeting, women walk arm in arm and form amazingly tight bonds.

the sexes are completely segregated in this very traditional area. i mean completely segregated. beginning in first grade students attend single-sex schools and are only allowed to socialize with children of their own gender. as they get older, it gets more intense. once a young girl reaches puberty, she is required to wear traditional muslim style clothing to cover herself. the long black dress that women wear is called an abaya and the head covering is a shelia. some women chose to use the shelia or an extension of the shelia – a veil – to also cover parts of or their entire face. very traditional women may wear a burka – a leather mask that covers the face. the degree to which women cover themselves depends upon the level of tradition that their family practices.

this practice of gender related segregation lasts throughout life and  is something i have been fascinated with since i arrived in this conventional area. everyone appears to be married, this seems to be something that is held as culturally very important. but how, exactly, is one to find a potential mate if fraternizing with the opposite sex is not allowed – ever? the answer to this question i am still learning … but i do have some preliminary explanations.

marriages are still arranged to a certain degree. parents of potential spouses agree upon a marriage. these arranged marriages are not mandatory, as either the woman or man may refuse and it is perfectly acceptable for a marriage to be refused. when this happens, the family simply starts the search over. it is believed that you ‘learn to love’ your spouse and that is the most efficient way to run a household. the mother is responsible for finding a suitable bride for her son, leaving the father out of the equation and parents of girls simply waiting on a suitor for their daughters.

beginning in kindergarten (yes, you read that right, KINDERGARTEN) young girls are watched carefully by the school principal. she watches for “good” behavior and possible girls who may “go wayward”. when a mother is looking for a bride for her son, she will begin by, of course, checking families that have daughters of marrying age. she then goes to the school principals to see how the girl behaves outside of the family atmosphere. if all is in acceptable to the mother, she will arrange a ‘family visit’. this is where the groom’s parents will go to the home of the parents of the potential bride where they will meet the girl and get to know her family. often times the couple do not meet before their wedding day, however, sometimes they are able to see a photograph of their future spouse. in the wester region, it is quite common for closely related people to marry. first cousin marriages are more the norm than the exception.

while men are allowed to have up to four wives in the uae, it is not common. most men only have one wife in these ‘modern times’.

another interesting point to note is just how young people take care of sexual ‘needs’, being that they are not allowed to have any contact with the opposite sex. the answer to this question continues to surprise and intrigue me. they ‘take care of business’ with their friends – for the unmarried youth there is a lot of same sex sex. this is not only a known and accepted practice, but also expected. my friends that teach in cycle 3 (high school) share stories with me of girls missing from class for extremely long periods of time, when they go to look for them they find a bathroom full of young girls having sex. according to my two male friends who teach at boys cycle 3 schools, the same things go on in the boys schools. however, in the boys schools it sounds a bit more aggressive. again, this is known and accepted. (clearly, i have no pictures of any of this to share.)

one afternoon i went to have a pedicure at a local nail salon.  i was there during the ‘down time’ of the afternoon (between 2 – 5 pm places shut down, as this is family time), so i was the only person in the salon. (‘ladie’s salons’ are an interesting place to visit in the uae, as they are usually double doored so as not to let an men even get a peek inside.)  a local woman came in for a full body massage while i was having my toes done. she went in the massage room and undressed fully. shortly after the massage therapist went in the room and closed the door, i began hearing noises. noises that i know i do not make when i am having a massage given by a stranger. these soft giggles and moans continued and got more intense for several minutes. the two ladies who were doing my toes we talking – in a language i do not know – and were giggling … the only words i got out of their conversation were: “thailand massage” …

from what i gather from the few muslims i have asked about these practices, in inslam same sex sex is not seen as an evil or forbidden (hiram) thing. as long as it is just that – sex. however, a same sex relationships as your primary relationship is not only perceived as hiram, it is illegal. surprisingly progressive, yes?

these revelations have leant an new light on the tight bonds that i see between friends of the same sex …