globalmidtown

last week i was invited to an emirati wedding. being that this is the ultimate event in emirati culture, it has been something i have hoped to see since i first moved out the desert.  let me just say up front, there is actually no chapel or mosque involved.

will this do??

for an entire week i fretted over what to wear.  emirati weddings are segregated by gender – one can ‘relax in their dress’. meaning skin can show. but, how much skin? what is appropriate? arms? legs? below the collar bone? arms to the shoulder? strapless?  for everyday life in the desert, all of these areas of skin must be totally covered when out & about. going to the post office? cover yourself from ankle to wrist to collar bone. grocery store? cover up! mall, electric company, bank, even going for a walk in 115+ temperatures – cover yourself! but … having the opportunity to go to a formal public event with ‘relaxed dress’  – that’s exciting! and a little stressful. i asked around about appropriate dress. how much skin? just how dressy to i need to be? i shopped around  but was uninspired. finally, i decided on a black wrap dress i brought over with me. it would just have to do. i dressed it up with heels and accessories as best i could.

i went to the wedding with three friends from my villas. we shared the anticipation of “what to wear?”, “what should we expect?”, “what will happen?”, “how late will this event go?” etc…

i spent time asking around, trying to find out what to expect … i was able to gather:

emirati weddings last several days. for the first few days there are many parties and gatherings to share jewelry, clothes, and make-up. to eat, drink tea, and celebrate the union. the day before the big party the two families go to the ministry of islamic affairs to have all of the paperwork completed. this is not a ceremony, simply a signing of contracts. at this point the couple is legally married. however, they are not allowed to go out in public together until after the big party and traditional joining of families. out in the traditional western region most marriages are arranged. and it is not uncommon for the bride and groom to be strangers to each other. in most cases, the first time the bride and groom see each other is at the actual big party, the ‘wedding’.

wedding announcement?

traditionally, the wedding takes place the night after the paperwork is completed at the ministry of islamic affairs. the wedding is held at the town wedding hall. this is a big community center that is completely divided with 1/2 for men and the other 1/2 for women. for the women’s part, there is a large party with dancing, eating, drinking tea, showing off amazing dresses, and lots of arabic music.  then, the groom and his entire family come in to the hall for the families to meet. after the families meet and perform traditional dances, the groom and his family ‘take the bride away’.

what i experienced:

we were told that the wedding would begin at 8 PM, however, we are well aware of how time works here – so, we arrived at the wedding hall around 8:45 – and we were still early!  the wedding hall is a large, ornate building – the outside donned with lights  from ground to roof.we entered in the front of the hall (the “women’s section”)

entry of the wedding hall

through massive, elaborate doors of dark wood.  through an immense entry hall, on to the second set of enormous doors into the main wedding hall. here we were greeted by several women. four women were family for the groom, seated in ornate chairs and wearing the most incredible ball gowns. they each stood to greet us with kisses – one on your left cheek followed by three on the right. the closer you are in relation/friendship or the more important you are the more kisses you get. we got the minimum, but a kind genuine welcome nonetheless.  after our formal reception from the family, we are ceremoniously  welcomed in with incense (a lovely smoking  “mabaakhar” of traditional arabic incense, meant to be fanned onto your person) and oil. as i fan myself with incense, the fragrant oil is smeared all over my collarbone area (including my silk scarf!) … but, how amazing did i smell?! the smell of this oil is indescribable – the perfect mixture of sweet & musky.

to our right a photo area is set up. it looks like a photo shoot for a fancy high-school prom.  complete with large, bright lights and a backdrop of an English cottage.

in front of us is a colossal hall filled with at least 80 large, 8-person, elaborately decorated tables. each table is filled with flowers, gold and silver decorations, baskets of fruit, soft drinks, water, and overflowing bowls of food. at the front of the hall is a large stage with a runway. the stage, adorned with large white “windows”, huge, ornate gold columns covered in gold and silver flowers, and a throne-like chaise lounge, is set up for singing and dancing. slowly guests are trickling into the hall.

my friends and i mingle for several minutes, walking about the hall, introducing ourselves to women and taking in the atmosphere before we decide on a table. we chose a table and sit to begin the people watching feast.

before me i see hundreds of women dressed in an array of clothing – traditional abayas (the long black ‘dress’ women wear over their clothes) with full sheilas (the veil women use to cover their hair and sometimes their face), extremely simple abayas with burkahs (the leather mask women use to cover their entire face except the eyes), amazing elaborate abayas left open with no sheila, and ball gowns. the gowns are amazing. i can say, with no hesitation, that i have never seen such elaborate and ornate gowns. ever. the gowns look as if they had to be custom made. they are all floor length with incredibly fitted bodices. vibrate colors – rich fuchsia, sparkling silvers and golds, deep greens, turquoise, sea blue, strong pinks and purples … all amazingly bejeweled. all of the women have on extremely high heels – and they dance in them. i am awed.

i think the most impressive gown was a deep fuchsia floor length gown with a very tightly fitted bodice, the bodice was completely covered in diamonds (certainly not real, right?), it was cut strapless just at the cleavage. the woman wearing this incredibly heavy looking gown also donned 6 inch diamond encrusted stiletto heels, a diamond comb situated perfectly in her hair, and so much make up that one may need a sand blaster to get to her true complexion. i was completely fixated.  how does one even go about putting on that much make up? and how in the world to you use the bathroom wearing such a dress? and those shoes? (i’m talking about arabic style bathrooms that involve a lot of water on the floor, a hose, and a hole in the ground). impressive.

as the remainder of the guests arrive, we nibble on paratha (a delicious light, fluffy bread used for dipping) with moutable (a dip made of smoked eggplant & spices), hummus, fatoush (a fresh arabic salad made of parsley, lemon, couscous, and spices), custards, olives, and cheeses. we are served tea after tea…. ginger tea, mint tea, zatar (a herbal mixture) tea, cardamon tea, black tea with milk, green tea … the ginger is my absolute favorite.  and, we people watch. so much to take in. i feel the pressure to remember every detail as it  is is hiram (forbidden, in islam) to photograph muslim women. i did not bring my camera being that i knew i would not even be allowed to photograph the food on our table or the inside of the hall.

around 10 pm the live music arrives.  it is an arabic woman who “sings” along to the traditional arabic music already playing. it’s a very interesting singing … more like yelling, or extremely harsh speaking along with the instrumental music. at this point, the dancing begins. the runway and stage become a vibrant display of colorful and sparkly gowned women dancing traditional arabic dances. it is so fun to watch. and interesting. the women who are dancing all look very young and appear to be dancing to the older women seated at tables at the front of the hall. i find out later that is exactly what is happening. the young women are dancing for the mothers of single young men in the community in hopes that one of the mothers will pick them as a potential bride.  did i mention how suggestive and sexy these traditional dances can be?

a smaller example of the platter the food is served on

around 11 pm the food arrives and the singer takes a break. the food is served on huge round platters – i mean, massive – it takes 2 women to carry a platter. one platter is placed in the center of each table. on the platter is two types of rice – sweet (with raisins and dates) and spicy – three types of meat – goat, lamb, and camel. there are 2 plates on our table of 6 people … and no silverware. but, there is plenty of bread. we dig in – the food is delicious! there is something about eating with your hands that makes food taste better (maybe it’s the lack of the metallic silverware?). i officially love camel. the texture reminds me of roasted pork (hiram!), and the flavor is light and musky. i do not like lamb – at all. and i am partial to goat haitian style, the arabic style is just not as good. but, camel? yum. after the food, more tea! this time it’s mint and zatar only (good for digestion). and a delicious way to end a meal. once the tables are cleared, a large tray of chocolate is brought around. no cake. no pastries. but the chocolate is delicious.

the singer returns to stage and the dancing commences. around 1 am the  singer makes an announcement (everything is in arabic, i never know what’s going on), the lights dim, everyone returns to their tables and turn their chairs toward the red carpet that has been laid out leading toward the runway. traditional arabic music blares from the speakers. large camera lights and about 8 professional photographers and videographers gather at the door to the hall. the bride enters. she is huge. i don’t mean she is big, i mean her dress takes up the space of 8-10 people. it is white with silver sparkles, strapless with a very fitted bodice, at the knees it turns into huge flowing white feathers that drag to the floor and about 10 feet behind her as she walks. she is wearing a headdress with a veil and a 20 foot train. impressive. i can’t imagine exactly how one would get into a garment such as this.

the bride slowly makes her way through the hall and up the runway to the stage, all the while being photographed and told to turn this way and that. she sits on the throne-chaise lounge where her mother joins her for photographs. soon after, another announcement is made and all of the women in the hall quickly cover up – abayas come out of nowhere and they are suddenly cloaked in head-to-toe in black fabric. the entire bride’s family enter – fathers and brothers (that explains the abayas). they join the bride on the stage for photos and a ‘family dance’. soon after, the bride puts a large white hood on to cover her hair, face (including her eyes), and shoulder area. the groom’s family enters. the parents of the bride and groom greet each other – the women with kisses and the men rubbing nose. the two families perform the ‘family dance’ together and now they are officially joined.

now, the groom is supposed to enter and take the bride away. however, no groom appears. so, the bride is escorted out by the groom’s family.

at this point the principal from my school, masbooba, comes to sit with me. she says “do you understand what just happened?”, “not at all”. masbooba goes on to explain that because the paperwork was completed yesterday and the families have now publicly joined through the dances, the couple is married and can be together. but where was the groom? “oh, miss, he is too shy to come, he will see his bride later”. wow.  masbooba went on to explain that the father of the groom was her uncle. he has three wives and too many children to count. this is his son’s first wife, but the bride and groom have never met. they are cousins. it is important to marry within the family (yet, as far away as possible) for “safety”. in the traditional western region it is believed that if you marry within families there will be less of a chance for wives to be abused or treated poorly. they also believe this keeps their community strong. what will happen now? the bride and groom will go on a honeymoon for several weeks. if they leave the UAE for their honeymoon, this will be the bride’s first trip out of the country, as women are not allowed to travel without their husbands or fathers. after the trip, the couple will return to the desert to live in the groom’s family home while they await their home. in the UAE, once you are married, you apply to the government for a home of your own. the government will build your home (more like a large, enclosed compound of several extremely large houses). however, masbooba has been married ten years & has six kids and she and her husband are still awaiting their own home.

the lights dim again … it is a double wedding! the grooms are brothers. wow – what a treat! masbooba stays with me and narrates as we watch the same scenario with a different bride. this groom was ‘too shy’ to come out as well. what kind of men did this uncle of masboob’s raise?

we leave the hall –  full, tired, and satisfied –  around 2:30 am ….

and i believe i have earned serious ‘bonus points’ with the emiratis in my school for being inquisitive about and showing true fascination in their culture. people are people wherever you go – show some genuine interest and you make friends.

wedding hall entrance

love the gate

a proud nation

wedding hall entry

*note – all  pictures were taken after work a few days after the wedding … no cameras allowed in the wedding hall!