globalmidtown

a few months ago, some friends & i spent a weekend on the outskirts of dubai.  so often i try to explain to my friends or family what it is like living in the uae, almost always unsuccessfully.

thinking back, i believe this weekend exemplifies life in the uae. nothing is as expected…

my friends and i booked a ‘chalet’ (like a cute little hut/house on the water) for 6 people through groupon for the weekend. the booking is to include a boat ride with fishing & swimming & snorkeling, as well as a private beach. at least, this is what we thought we booked…..

thursday after work, four of my friends and i head out. we drive the 2 hours to dubai and find the marina just outside of the city. when we get in, we go directly to the marina so we won’t miss our boat-ride that is booked for, well, now. naturally,  the boat isn’t there “oh, i didn’t know you were coming” says cute mr. italian manager. “oh, i didn’t know what you were booking for” says flirty mr. lebanese manager …

this place is just on the edge of dubai and these two serious playboy party boys own it. they are hilarious – but business is not their strong suit! so, mr. cutie and mr. flirty, where is our boat? when will we leave the dock for our snorkeling, fishing, & swimming? sorry, miss, the boat is at the other marina 45 minutes away. excuse me?

ok, we’ll try to boat-ride later. please show us to our chalet. no problem, miss.

mr. cutie & mr. flirty drive us over the bridge to where the chalets are. there is a row of 7 newly constructed chalets along the waterfront. they are adorable little pentagonal wooden buildings with a small front porch and big windows. however, even from outside, we can see they are tiny. we are shown to our chalet, the first one in the row, and coincidentally, the one that looks the most near completion. ours is a  chalet for TWO – there are FIVE of us …  there is one bed, a sofa, and a love seat. there is no kitchen, no grill, no extra bedding, not even a trash can!   the place isn’t even really finished being built … wow.

our chalet

we call and ask that extra bedding be delivered so that we may all pile on the bed, sofas, and floor. we also ask for a grill and kitchen utensils, so that we may cook dinner later.  inshallah, it will come.

we decide to go to our ‘private beach’ to enjoy the afternoon sun and some much deserved frolicking in the ocean.  we call “captain lello” – captain lello is also italian, looks about 99 years old, and is wearing more gold than king tut. a  gold MONKEY is around his neck!

captain lello takes us to our “private beach” in his little dingy boat …. ummmm…. yes, it’s private. it’s a small batch of sand on the edge of the marina canal and that’s it.  this patch of sand looks like the remnants of the canal bottom that was widened for the marina.  there is a little thatched & rusted tent type thing for shade, sand, and water. not a single chair, no table, not another soul on this patch of sand that you can only get to by boat. naturally,  caption lello drops us and leaves us to our own devices.

frolicking on our “private beach”

captain lello takes us to the beach!

we talk again to mr. flirty lebanese manager – he tells us to be ready at 2 – someone will pick us up from our chalet for our boat ride … yeah!

we call captain lello, who comes back & collects us from the ‘beach’ … we go to our chalet & get ready…. 2:15 … nothing … 2:30 … nothing …. tap tap tap go my fingers…. 2:40 i call mr. flirty lebanese manager. “oh, sorry, i couldn’t find anyone to come get you. you should just drive here. it’s easy. i give you directions.” no thanks, adam … it’s in downtown Dubai & i am 3 mojitos in.

ok … tomorrow will be better, yes? yes. tomorrow will be better. but – we have plans in the afternoon – so it must be in the morning. no problem, miss, i be there myself. of course.

inshallah, i say to myself!

it’s early in the afternoon and beautiful out, so we all head to the pool at the super posh hotel that is connected to the marina. we are NOT guests of the hotel … we are at the lowly marina resort…. so, technically, we’re sneaking in somewhere we are surely not supposed to be. but i figured we had it coming.

flags, a sure sign of royalty

as we are  talking our way in to the pool with the security guy, we find out that the hotel is partially closed for the weekend for a private party for the KING of Bahrain! whaaaat???? naturally, we are going in, this is a must see!

the king’s caravan

cabana anyone?

we never saw the king himself (that we know of) … but we sure did swim with his entourage …. it was …. amazing.

swim up bar

in this conservative, muslim country …. the kings people were playing LOUD dirty  american rap and wearing the teeny-tiniest bathing suits i’ve seen … they were keeping the bartender at the swim up bar so busy he had to call for backup. by the late afternoon there were 3 bartenders working … we stayed until the sun went down.

that night we cooked on the grill that we had some of the marina workers deliver to us. we cut up veggies & chicken using plastic knives on our coffee table that we drug outside. naturally, the kitchen utensils we asked for never made it to us.  i made about a million gin & tonics and we listened to lots of REALLY LOUD arabic music that joesf (the lebanese assistant manager whose chalet is next to ours) put on for us. he also brought us over several bottles of vodka & mixers.

roughin’ itthis is ok.

this is ok.

we didn’t have enough space for all of us to sleep – so josef slept in another employee’s villa & gave us his chalet. HILARIOUS!!! i am certain i slept in the dirty sheets of a man i don’t know.

saturday morning … surely adam will show for the boat ride, right? not a chance. but he did call – 2 hours after he was supposed to pick us up!

we spent the morning at the pool again … and when i talked to adam i was able to secure us a free weekend in the “big chalet” – i went to check it out & it really is big enough for 5  people. i feel certain we’ll see this come to fruition, right?

the weekend was crazy. and hilarious. and so typically UAE. i was so thankful that the people i was with were super chill and easy and fun. it could have been miserable if i were with people who just couldn’t roll with it.  there are a lot of those people here, but i try to keep my distance, as i believe humor is essential to life in the desert.

aaaahhh