globalmidtown

last week i was invited to an emirati wedding. being that this is the ultimate event in emirati culture, it has been something i have hoped to see since i first moved out the desert.  let me just say up front, there is actually no chapel or mosque involved.

will this do??

for an entire week i fretted over what to wear.  emirati weddings are segregated by gender – one can ‘relax in their dress’. meaning skin can show. but, how much skin? what is appropriate? arms? legs? below the collar bone? arms to the shoulder? strapless?  for everyday life in the desert, all of these areas of skin must be totally covered when out & about. going to the post office? cover yourself from ankle to wrist to collar bone. grocery store? cover up! mall, electric company, bank, even going for a walk in 115+ temperatures – cover yourself! but … having the opportunity to go to a formal public event with ‘relaxed dress’  – that’s exciting! and a little stressful. i asked around about appropriate dress. how much skin? just how dressy to i need to be? i shopped around  but was uninspired. finally, i decided on a black wrap dress i brought over with me. it would just have to do. i dressed it up with heels and accessories as best i could.

i went to the wedding with three friends from my villas. we shared the anticipation of “what to wear?”, “what should we expect?”, “what will happen?”, “how late will this event go?” etc…

i spent time asking around, trying to find out what to expect … i was able to gather:

emirati weddings last several days. for the first few days there are many parties and gatherings to share jewelry, clothes, and make-up. to eat, drink tea, and celebrate the union. the day before the big party the two families go to the ministry of islamic affairs to have all of the paperwork completed. this is not a ceremony, simply a signing of contracts. at this point the couple is legally married. however, they are not allowed to go out in public together until after the big party and traditional joining of families. out in the traditional western region most marriages are arranged. and it is not uncommon for the bride and groom to be strangers to each other. in most cases, the first time the bride and groom see each other is at the actual big party, the ‘wedding’.

wedding announcement?

traditionally, the wedding takes place the night after the paperwork is completed at the ministry of islamic affairs. the wedding is held at the town wedding hall. this is a big community center that is completely divided with 1/2 for men and the other 1/2 for women. for the women’s part, there is a large party with dancing, eating, drinking tea, showing off amazing dresses, and lots of arabic music.  then, the groom and his entire family come in to the hall for the families to meet. after the families meet and perform traditional dances, the groom and his family ‘take the bride away’.

what i experienced:

we were told that the wedding would begin at 8 PM, however, we are well aware of how time works here – so, we arrived at the wedding hall around 8:45 – and we were still early!  the wedding hall is a large, ornate building – the outside donned with lights  from ground to roof.we entered in the front of the hall (the “women’s section”)

entry of the wedding hall

through massive, elaborate doors of dark wood.  through an immense entry hall, on to the second set of enormous doors into the main wedding hall. here we were greeted by several women. four women were family for the groom, seated in ornate chairs and wearing the most incredible ball gowns. they each stood to greet us with kisses – one on your left cheek followed by three on the right. the closer you are in relation/friendship or the more important you are the more kisses you get. we got the minimum, but a kind genuine welcome nonetheless.  after our formal reception from the family, we are ceremoniously  welcomed in with incense (a lovely smoking  “mabaakhar” of traditional arabic incense, meant to be fanned onto your person) and oil. as i fan myself with incense, the fragrant oil is smeared all over my collarbone area (including my silk scarf!) … but, how amazing did i smell?! the smell of this oil is indescribable – the perfect mixture of sweet & musky.

to our right a photo area is set up. it looks like a photo shoot for a fancy high-school prom.  complete with large, bright lights and a backdrop of an English cottage.

in front of us is a colossal hall filled with at least 80 large, 8-person, elaborately decorated tables. each table is filled with flowers, gold and silver decorations, baskets of fruit, soft drinks, water, and overflowing bowls of food. at the front of the hall is a large stage with a runway. the stage, adorned with large white “windows”, huge, ornate gold columns covered in gold and silver flowers, and a throne-like chaise lounge, is set up for singing and dancing. slowly guests are trickling into the hall.

my friends and i mingle for several minutes, walking about the hall, introducing ourselves to women and taking in the atmosphere before we decide on a table. we chose a table and sit to begin the people watching feast.

before me i see hundreds of women dressed in an array of clothing – traditional abayas (the long black ‘dress’ women wear over their clothes) with full sheilas (the veil women use to cover their hair and sometimes their face), extremely simple abayas with burkahs (the leather mask women use to cover their entire face except the eyes), amazing elaborate abayas left open with no sheila, and ball gowns. the gowns are amazing. i can say, with no hesitation, that i have never seen such elaborate and ornate gowns. ever. the gowns look as if they had to be custom made. they are all floor length with incredibly fitted bodices. vibrate colors – rich fuchsia, sparkling silvers and golds, deep greens, turquoise, sea blue, strong pinks and purples … all amazingly bejeweled. all of the women have on extremely high heels – and they dance in them. i am awed.

i think the most impressive gown was a deep fuchsia floor length gown with a very tightly fitted bodice, the bodice was completely covered in diamonds (certainly not real, right?), it was cut strapless just at the cleavage. the woman wearing this incredibly heavy looking gown also donned 6 inch diamond encrusted stiletto heels, a diamond comb situated perfectly in her hair, and so much make up that one may need a sand blaster to get to her true complexion. i was completely fixated.  how does one even go about putting on that much make up? and how in the world to you use the bathroom wearing such a dress? and those shoes? (i’m talking about arabic style bathrooms that involve a lot of water on the floor, a hose, and a hole in the ground). impressive.

as the remainder of the guests arrive, we nibble on paratha (a delicious light, fluffy bread used for dipping) with moutable (a dip made of smoked eggplant & spices), hummus, fatoush (a fresh arabic salad made of parsley, lemon, couscous, and spices), custards, olives, and cheeses. we are served tea after tea…. ginger tea, mint tea, zatar (a herbal mixture) tea, cardamon tea, black tea with milk, green tea … the ginger is my absolute favorite.  and, we people watch. so much to take in. i feel the pressure to remember every detail as it  is is hiram (forbidden, in islam) to photograph muslim women. i did not bring my camera being that i knew i would not even be allowed to photograph the food on our table or the inside of the hall.

around 10 pm the live music arrives.  it is an arabic woman who “sings” along to the traditional arabic music already playing. it’s a very interesting singing … more like yelling, or extremely harsh speaking along with the instrumental music. at this point, the dancing begins. the runway and stage become a vibrant display of colorful and sparkly gowned women dancing traditional arabic dances. it is so fun to watch. and interesting. the women who are dancing all look very young and appear to be dancing to the older women seated at tables at the front of the hall. i find out later that is exactly what is happening. the young women are dancing for the mothers of single young men in the community in hopes that one of the mothers will pick them as a potential bride.  did i mention how suggestive and sexy these traditional dances can be?

a smaller example of the platter the food is served on

around 11 pm the food arrives and the singer takes a break. the food is served on huge round platters – i mean, massive – it takes 2 women to carry a platter. one platter is placed in the center of each table. on the platter is two types of rice – sweet (with raisins and dates) and spicy – three types of meat – goat, lamb, and camel. there are 2 plates on our table of 6 people … and no silverware. but, there is plenty of bread. we dig in – the food is delicious! there is something about eating with your hands that makes food taste better (maybe it’s the lack of the metallic silverware?). i officially love camel. the texture reminds me of roasted pork (hiram!), and the flavor is light and musky. i do not like lamb – at all. and i am partial to goat haitian style, the arabic style is just not as good. but, camel? yum. after the food, more tea! this time it’s mint and zatar only (good for digestion). and a delicious way to end a meal. once the tables are cleared, a large tray of chocolate is brought around. no cake. no pastries. but the chocolate is delicious.

the singer returns to stage and the dancing commences. around 1 am the  singer makes an announcement (everything is in arabic, i never know what’s going on), the lights dim, everyone returns to their tables and turn their chairs toward the red carpet that has been laid out leading toward the runway. traditional arabic music blares from the speakers. large camera lights and about 8 professional photographers and videographers gather at the door to the hall. the bride enters. she is huge. i don’t mean she is big, i mean her dress takes up the space of 8-10 people. it is white with silver sparkles, strapless with a very fitted bodice, at the knees it turns into huge flowing white feathers that drag to the floor and about 10 feet behind her as she walks. she is wearing a headdress with a veil and a 20 foot train. impressive. i can’t imagine exactly how one would get into a garment such as this.

the bride slowly makes her way through the hall and up the runway to the stage, all the while being photographed and told to turn this way and that. she sits on the throne-chaise lounge where her mother joins her for photographs. soon after, another announcement is made and all of the women in the hall quickly cover up – abayas come out of nowhere and they are suddenly cloaked in head-to-toe in black fabric. the entire bride’s family enter – fathers and brothers (that explains the abayas). they join the bride on the stage for photos and a ‘family dance’. soon after, the bride puts a large white hood on to cover her hair, face (including her eyes), and shoulder area. the groom’s family enters. the parents of the bride and groom greet each other – the women with kisses and the men rubbing nose. the two families perform the ‘family dance’ together and now they are officially joined.

now, the groom is supposed to enter and take the bride away. however, no groom appears. so, the bride is escorted out by the groom’s family.

at this point the principal from my school, masbooba, comes to sit with me. she says “do you understand what just happened?”, “not at all”. masbooba goes on to explain that because the paperwork was completed yesterday and the families have now publicly joined through the dances, the couple is married and can be together. but where was the groom? “oh, miss, he is too shy to come, he will see his bride later”. wow.  masbooba went on to explain that the father of the groom was her uncle. he has three wives and too many children to count. this is his son’s first wife, but the bride and groom have never met. they are cousins. it is important to marry within the family (yet, as far away as possible) for “safety”. in the traditional western region it is believed that if you marry within families there will be less of a chance for wives to be abused or treated poorly. they also believe this keeps their community strong. what will happen now? the bride and groom will go on a honeymoon for several weeks. if they leave the UAE for their honeymoon, this will be the bride’s first trip out of the country, as women are not allowed to travel without their husbands or fathers. after the trip, the couple will return to the desert to live in the groom’s family home while they await their home. in the UAE, once you are married, you apply to the government for a home of your own. the government will build your home (more like a large, enclosed compound of several extremely large houses). however, masbooba has been married ten years & has six kids and she and her husband are still awaiting their own home.

the lights dim again … it is a double wedding! the grooms are brothers. wow – what a treat! masbooba stays with me and narrates as we watch the same scenario with a different bride. this groom was ‘too shy’ to come out as well. what kind of men did this uncle of masboob’s raise?

we leave the hall –  full, tired, and satisfied –  around 2:30 am ….

and i believe i have earned serious ‘bonus points’ with the emiratis in my school for being inquisitive about and showing true fascination in their culture. people are people wherever you go – show some genuine interest and you make friends.

wedding hall entrance

love the gate

a proud nation

wedding hall entry

*note – all  pictures were taken after work a few days after the wedding … no cameras allowed in the wedding hall!

arabic coffee

the uae has it’s own sense of time … i like to call it ‘inshallah’ time. the phrase ‘inshallah‘  literally translates to ‘god’s will’ or ‘if god’s wills it’. i hear this phrase all the time. i mean ALL THE TIME. walking into school in the morning “have a good day”, inshallah. “tomorrow i plan to make masks with the students” inshallah.  “when will my emirati id be ready?” inshallah. “I need these papers signed to get paid” inshallah.

when i first got here, this was a source of frustration for me. as i settled in to life in this foreign land, there was so much paper work to be completed. medical papers to be translated, driver’s licenses to be translated and authenticated, diplomas, teaching certificates,  birth certificate, medical prescriptions …. all to be translated and authenticated. for me to be able to drive, to get a uae id card and driver’s licenses, to get medical insurance, to get paid – all of these documents had to be completed. into the offices i go with my paperwork, unimaginably naive. “thank you so much for your help, i am on a tight timeline with this. when will the translation be completed?” a kind smile answers me “inshallah madam” hummmmm. a week or so later, i get the call, my documents are ready! i find a taxi and head downtown only to find the offices closed. silly me! it’s 2:30 in the afternoon – nothing will be open – rest time. all stores, restaurants, offices, coffee shops, the whole city – closes  for several hours in the afternoon for ‘qaylooah’, rest or family time. there is no real set time for qaylooah … it’s several hours between 1 and  6 pm. just count on everything being closed.

upon arriving in abu dhabi, one of the first orders of business was to hand my passport over to the uae government to get a residency visa. i was extremely nervous being in a foreign country half way around the world and not having my passport in my hand.  when i asked (repeatedly, to be honest) how long it would take to have my passport returned  – “inshallah, miss”. “well, can you tell me if it will be back in time for me to travel for the winter break?”,  “inshallah, miss”. really? even with a passport?

inshallah time rules. there is very little foresight or sense of future planning.  it’s so interesting to see how this sense of time, this cultural phenomenon, affects the workings of a society.

the grand mosque

a few weeks ago we had a three-day weekend in observance of an Islamic holiday. the announcement of this weekend is the perfect example of the lack of planning ahead. the holiday, isa wal miraj, is an Islamic holiday based on the moon. it is in celebration of the date in history when the Prophet, Mohamed, experienced the miracle of ascending through the 7 layers of heaven to meet the different prophets.

the holiday was on the uae school calendar the entire school year. however, it was not decided if it was to be observed in the school system. isa wal miraj  was coming up on  sunday (the work week here is sunday through thursday). when did the school system decide and announce if school would be held on isa wal miraj? thursday! yes, thurdsay. no need to let parents know, inshallah. no need to let teachers know ahead of time to make plans, inshallah.

mint tea

the more i become familiar with the culture here, the less this surprises me. i am even surpassing getting ‘used to’ inshallah time and beginning to enjoy it. i enjoy the ‘live in the moment’ attitude that inshallah time allows. it is a liberating lifestyle for me.

i have a friend who believes that planning ahead is a luxury. to have the luxury of having everything you need today so that you can begin to plan for tomorrow is something that i have always seen as a way of life. a responsibility, almost a burden. my life experiences of late are causing me to view inshallah time as a luxury. to have the luxury to just be. to just live today. to not think of my “10 year goal”, to not plan every detail for “retirement”, to not know exactly where i will be in a year … or even think of it, to not have to map out every moment of my life …. this, for me, is the luxury.

i am learning to relax … to just be. and it is so nice

 arabic mini-lesson:

bis miellah hie rah mani raghiem  -‘god’s grace’ asking for protection from god – this is said everywhere all the time … getting into your car, ask god for protection. going to work, ask god for protection. going to the beach? ask god to protect you

inshallah – ‘god’s will’ or ‘if god wills it’

al hamdullilah  – ‘thank god’  – this is said almost as much as inshallah … “how are you today?”, “i’m fine, al hamdullilah”

qaylooah – rest/family time

al mir aj – celebration of Prophet, Mohamed,  experiencing a miracle – he ascended  through the 7 layers heavens  where he met the different prophets

i have come to abu dhabi as a teacher … an ESL instructor, although my employer does not refer to me in those terms. according to my employer i am an ‘english medium teacher’ … meaning i am to teach reading, writing, arithmetic, and science using the medium of english. but the truth is – i am an ESL teacher. english is the second language for EVERYONE in this country, with the exception of the very small population of western expats.

i teach kindergarten. for most of my students, this is their first exposure to english. their parents don’t speak english, their friends don’t speak english, their arabic teachers don’t speak english, the clerks at the market don’t speak english, their nannies don’t speak english…. in most cases i am my students’ sole link to the english speaking world. therefore, it is safe to say, i am an ESL instructor.

how CUTE are they?

i like the idea of being an ESL teacher. i like what that can mean. for me, it means i am a bridge.  through language we learn to understand each other. the west and the east are very different worlds with extraordinarily different cultures, religions, dress, customs, beliefs… simply put – a different way of life. we tend to be cautious – even fearful – of those different from ourselves and this can lead us down an ugly path … a path of racism, classism, ethnocentrism …

through dialogue we may be able to avoid this path, as dialogue is the first step to understanding, taking away the fear – the ‘caution’.

i’ve come to abu dhabi to teach english – in hopes of being that bridge. however, i’ve also come to expand my knowledge, my understanding of a world so different from my own. i’ve come to satisfy my thirst for other cultures, different peoples, new experiences, varying perspectives ….

i am learning so much here through my job. this has been a complete surprise for me. i have learned, first, that schools are schools… even on the other side of the globe.  you can’t escape the politics, the gossip, the paperwork, the bureaucracy …. sigh. this has been a disappointment.

however, i have gained so much knowledge and insight  through my students, my co-teachers and colleagues, through the parents of my students, through the ‘cleaners’ and other workers at my school. an absolute wealth of knowledge and perspective.

the differences between how we treat children in my country and here are amazing …

during my first week of teaching, a little girl had head lice. i mean head LICE – as in her head was literally crawling. this child is barely five years old.  my co-teacher was visibly disgusted…. she shooed the little girl away, with a look of repugnance  on her face, as she sent her to the nurse. i asked what was going on, my co-teacher told me “she has ants in her hair. there is no reason for this, we have soap and water, one should be clean”.  (ants?! i love esl speakers) about an hour later the nurse, unable to contact her parents, brought the child back to class. she told us to isolate the little girl from the rest of the class. naturally, my co-teacher promptly announced “class, no one is to go near this child. she has a dirty head. stay away from her.” as i watched in my western horror, a small table was set up in the corner for her to sit. i made many trips over to check on the little girl, worried about her ‘feelings being hurt’ or the possibility of embarrassment. to my dismay, the child was completely fine. she was not upset, did not seem sad or embarrassed or uncomfortable … how can this be? in my experience as a teacher in the states, we tip-toe around such issues … don’t let the rest of the class know who has the lice … send the child home discretely then send a vague note home with the rest of the students so all of the parents can check carefully in the safety & privacy of their own homes.  it’s all top secret so as to protect the child’s ‘self-esteem’.

since this incident, this same little girl has had lice approximately 6 times … 6 times in 6 months. did i mention that i teach bedouin children?

last week a little boy came to class with lice in his head so big he sat on the carpet during ‘circle time’ and picked them out with his fingers. he would reach up, pick out a louse, study it closely, and set it on the carpet. he was sent home only to return the very next day with bugs still crawling through his scalp. the nurse called his parents and required that they shave his head before he returned to school. the next day he was back, bald.

emiratis love sweets. i mean love sweets … quite unlike anything i’ve ever seen. and the children eat sweets all day. chocolate sandwiches for lunch followed up with a candy bar for dessert, all chased down with a 100% sugar ‘juice’. it’s impressive.  the obesity rate is very low, however, diabetes is at epidemic status. and so is tooth decay. the vast majority of my students have  several teeth rotting away. i have some students  who have whole mouths full of rotted teeth …  however, this is not cause for embarrassment or teasing … they are kids, they will get new teeth soon.

tea time

a few weeks ago, as we walked our class to the playground,  i watch as my co-teacher’s head wrap got caught in a child’s hair bow. my co-teacher walked several steps, dragging the child by the hair, before she noticed. once she disentangled herself, her concern was to her head scarf … did this entanglement cause her head scarf to get snagged? not once did she ask the little girl whose hair was just pulled out at the roots if she was ok.

the children in my school run everywhere. i mean run at full speed … through the corridors, down the hallways, across the assembly hall, in the library, to the bus … everywhere they RUN. no one stops them. no one says “slow down!” or “walk!”.  at home, every adult in sight would tell the child to knock it off … here, it is how kids get to & fro. when i first stared teaching, i would tell the kids in the hall ‘sway sway’ (slowly … or slow down) .. they literally laughed at me as they ran by. i quickly decided it was silly. now, i watch calmly as they fly by me through the library.

this way of travel for 3, 4, & 5 years olds is not without it’s downfalls. i have seen so many kids fall .. and some fairly nasty falls. the adults who are around have one of three reactions: 1 – zero reaction, like they didn’t even see this kid bust open their lip on the corner of the table while sailing across the room; 2 – laughter, really – they laugh at the kid – but usually only if the kid isn’t hurt too bad and if the fall was in some ungraceful way; or 3 – yelling – this is usually when the kid who is bleeding from a fall interrupts their tea or conversation. i am yet to see an adult react with compassion or  check to see if a kid is ok.

having said that, if a child is hurt badly enough to need medical attention, it is received promptly and with great care. so, please do not get the idea that these children are neglected. it appears that everyone involved, adults and children, know that a scratched knee or busted lip will heal … and that these are the ways we learn to control our bodies.

these kids are SMART!

the differences in how adults treat children here and in my home country are great. observing this has given me new perspective on my own country and our children. each day i work hard at observing this culture in which i live without judging, without trying to push my values on the people here. that is not my place. at first, not judging, not thinking ‘wow, in the states we …’ could be a challenge sometimes & i actively had to make myself not have those thoughts. however, i no longer even begin to have thoughts such as that. now, what i find, is i often compare the kids here to the kids at home.

i see the kids here … children who are set free to be children. the children who are not checked on, the children who do not have scheduled activities, the children who are ignored when they have minor hurts, the children who are not encouraged to be individuals, who are not told they are ‘special’, the children who are reprimanded at school for being absent, the children who are publicly  ostracized for having head lice … these kids are smart, they have amazing humor, and they are extraordinarily lovable. i see these kids and how amazing they are. how unique each one is. how sure of themselves they are. how little they need outside reassurances or boastful talk from parents and teachers. and i realize: in my country we are raising fragile babies. our kids depend on the adults in their lives to give them ‘self esteem’ … we tip-toe around topics so as not to make our kids embarrassed or uncomfortable … we teach them to hide things … we teach them that they are the center of our lives – ‘our future’ …. we tell them how great they are and don’t ever let them discover this on their own.

my wish for the children in my life ~ i want them to know how great they are without anyone ever telling them … i want them to KNOW, not be told.

i live in the land where papyrus grows in the medians, falcons roost on villa window sills, traffic comes to a screeching halt to allow herds of camels to cross the highway, scorpion tracks are everywhere, twenty shades of sand accentuate landscape … this land is known as the western region of the empty quarter desert of abu dhabi . here men rub noses as a form of greeting, women walk arm in arm and form amazingly tight bonds.

the sexes are completely segregated in this very traditional area. i mean completely segregated. beginning in first grade students attend single-sex schools and are only allowed to socialize with children of their own gender. as they get older, it gets more intense. once a young girl reaches puberty, she is required to wear traditional muslim style clothing to cover herself. the long black dress that women wear is called an abaya and the head covering is a shelia. some women chose to use the shelia or an extension of the shelia – a veil – to also cover parts of or their entire face. very traditional women may wear a burka – a leather mask that covers the face. the degree to which women cover themselves depends upon the level of tradition that their family practices.

this practice of gender related segregation lasts throughout life and  is something i have been fascinated with since i arrived in this conventional area. everyone appears to be married, this seems to be something that is held as culturally very important. but how, exactly, is one to find a potential mate if fraternizing with the opposite sex is not allowed – ever? the answer to this question i am still learning … but i do have some preliminary explanations.

marriages are still arranged to a certain degree. parents of potential spouses agree upon a marriage. these arranged marriages are not mandatory, as either the woman or man may refuse and it is perfectly acceptable for a marriage to be refused. when this happens, the family simply starts the search over. it is believed that you ‘learn to love’ your spouse and that is the most efficient way to run a household. the mother is responsible for finding a suitable bride for her son, leaving the father out of the equation and parents of girls simply waiting on a suitor for their daughters.

beginning in kindergarten (yes, you read that right, KINDERGARTEN) young girls are watched carefully by the school principal. she watches for “good” behavior and possible girls who may “go wayward”. when a mother is looking for a bride for her son, she will begin by, of course, checking families that have daughters of marrying age. she then goes to the school principals to see how the girl behaves outside of the family atmosphere. if all is in acceptable to the mother, she will arrange a ‘family visit’. this is where the groom’s parents will go to the home of the parents of the potential bride where they will meet the girl and get to know her family. often times the couple do not meet before their wedding day, however, sometimes they are able to see a photograph of their future spouse. in the wester region, it is quite common for closely related people to marry. first cousin marriages are more the norm than the exception.

while men are allowed to have up to four wives in the uae, it is not common. most men only have one wife in these ‘modern times’.

another interesting point to note is just how young people take care of sexual ‘needs’, being that they are not allowed to have any contact with the opposite sex. the answer to this question continues to surprise and intrigue me. they ‘take care of business’ with their friends – for the unmarried youth there is a lot of same sex sex. this is not only a known and accepted practice, but also expected. my friends that teach in cycle 3 (high school) share stories with me of girls missing from class for extremely long periods of time, when they go to look for them they find a bathroom full of young girls having sex. according to my two male friends who teach at boys cycle 3 schools, the same things go on in the boys schools. however, in the boys schools it sounds a bit more aggressive. again, this is known and accepted. (clearly, i have no pictures of any of this to share.)

one afternoon i went to have a pedicure at a local nail salon.  i was there during the ‘down time’ of the afternoon (between 2 – 5 pm places shut down, as this is family time), so i was the only person in the salon. (‘ladie’s salons’ are an interesting place to visit in the uae, as they are usually double doored so as not to let an men even get a peek inside.)  a local woman came in for a full body massage while i was having my toes done. she went in the massage room and undressed fully. shortly after the massage therapist went in the room and closed the door, i began hearing noises. noises that i know i do not make when i am having a massage given by a stranger. these soft giggles and moans continued and got more intense for several minutes. the two ladies who were doing my toes we talking – in a language i do not know – and were giggling … the only words i got out of their conversation were: “thailand massage” …

from what i gather from the few muslims i have asked about these practices, in inslam same sex sex is not seen as an evil or forbidden (hiram) thing. as long as it is just that – sex. however, a same sex relationships as your primary relationship is not only perceived as hiram, it is illegal. surprisingly progressive, yes?

these revelations have leant an new light on the tight bonds that i see between friends of the same sex …

i live way, way, way out in the desert in a little town called madinat zayed (or beda zayed, depending on who you ask).  it is a small  town  with very little to do. there is no movie theater, no bowling alley, no clubs or cafes or boardwalks, no bookstores or coffee shops, no real gathering places. however,  there is the beauty and serenity of the desert…. the endless sea of sand, the sight of camels being herded over the dunes, the whisper (or sometimes the howl) of the wind across the desert.

my little town also has  many lovely, green parks, a nice produce market and a small shopping mall. there is the “industrial area” of town (which i have become fascinated with), and, of course, there is more sand.

at the park

chillin'

this town is made up mostly of men. i know that there must be women somewhere, but when you venture out into town all you see are men. literally. i can go out to the market or bank or pharmacy – any of these very normal places where one would expect to see women, right? i don’t see a single woman … but there is a plethora of men. i mean an extreme amount of men. at certain times of the day you can’t drive through the main road, as it is completely clogged by men.

a street full of men

and still more ...

i would not even consider trying to go the ATM in the late afternoon. i made this mistake once when i first arrived ~ the line was about 50 men deep. no exaggeration. (the plus is, being a woman, you get hurried to the front of the line!). the post office (which is also the money exchange & wire) – forget about it … the line is out the door, down the block, to the street. amazing.

in line at the ATM

madinat zayed appears to be somewhat of an industrial town. there are many links to the oil refineries and the electric companies close by. this brings in a great number of immigrant workers. you guessed it, all men! their wives must stay in their home countries or hidden behind the walls of their homes.

the population is made of four distinct and very separate groups of people: emeratis, egyptians, asian expatriates, and western expatriates.

tea with a local

at the gas station ...

the emeratis are an interesting group of people. no emerati has to work. they simply do not need to worry about earning a living – that is taken care of by the government and oil money. however, many do ‘work’ at little hobbies (like owning villas or a shop or such).  the egyptians make up the “professional” class of workers and are very assimilated into local culture, as they share the language and, often, the religion. the asian expats are from all over southeast asia (sri lanka, bangladesh, india, the phillipines, nepal, vietnam, etc…) and make up the “laborer” class of workers. there are SO many asian workers here, working and walking everywhere. everywhere i go i am surrounded by these men. at the supermarket, 3 men sweep the floor as i walk through ONE isle, at the bank one man brings you tea while 2 more empty the trash and wipe down the door handles, in the parking lot 8 -10 workers pick up trash and wash cars,  in my villas there are always 3 to 4 men in my building alone – sweeping, mopping, and wiping away sand. it can be overwhelming. then, there are the western expats – me! we are the smallest of the four groups and the least assimilated. western expats are from all over europe, australia, south africa, canada, and the us. we are herded together and all involved in education reform in some manner. there are also many men from afghanistan and pakistan .. they tend to be craftsmen, artists, tailors, specialty workers, restaurant owners. they are an amazing group of people – incredible artists & cooks! they, much like the egyptians, are very well assimilated into the local culture.

i tell you about the people that make up the population because it is a huge part of my experience in the western region of abu dhabi, a huge part of the culture here. i have never experienced such segregation on such a large scheme. women and men are completely segregated. they do not eat together, work together, or socialize together. it is quite amazing. yet, they all seem to be married. i am fascinated with the process … how, exactly, do you meet a potential mate if there is no fraternizing? that’s for another day …

sunrise over the desert

this past weekend i went on a camping trip out into the desert .  there were about 15 english teachers – from all over abu dhabi who went. i am so intrigued with the expats in the teaching groups  …  all westerners, with the majority being from europe & australia; just a few americans & canadians.  it makes for an amazing variety of experiences and great conversation.

suhiel, the owner of our villas, arranged this trip for us. suheil is a local emerati, and somewhat of an important man in our little desert town. as my friend says, “he has lots of wasta”! it has been interesting to get to know suhiel – he appears to genuinely want these western invaders of his town to be happy and comfortable and to enjoy his country. he helps us to understand much of the culture and people of the very traditional western region; all the while he looks to be carefully observing us and learning “our ways”. this is the second such adventure he has organized for us.

he had a camp set up on his camel farm that is about 30 minutes outside of town. we parked our cars on the road & he drove us in to camp – 4WD required here. we went REALLY far out into the desert … i doubt that i could have gotten back to the road if i needed to. as far as i looked in any direction i could see only SAND. i even climbed a TALL sand-dune trying to see a house or a road or something … only sand. suhiel had a fire pit for us & brought in lamb & chicken to charcoal and rice and salad. it was amazing. we had shisha and wine.  we stayed up late into the night – playing in the sand, watching the stars, smoking shisha, laughing, and having great conversations … then, the fire started to die down & it was too cold to stay up –  all that you hear about the desert being cold at night is true – it’s COLD!

our camp

beauty

there is something so special about sleeping out of doors for me.away from city lights only adds to the experience. the night was clear and the stars amazing … i am fascinated with seeing a different perspective of the night sky (as opposed to what i see in the western hemisphere). it makes me want to learn more about astronomy, as my knowledge is limited – to put it mildly.

i woke up before the sun to the sounds of camels, turkeys, and roosters … i watched the sun rise from the top of a sand dune.  the desert is truly beautiful, so full of warmth with the many hues of oranges, grays, and tans…. some areas, in just the right light, look almost purple. the sand is extremely fine, which makes it velvety soft and pleasant to the touch. i love walking with no shoes and running my hands through it.

bones

           

scorpion tracks

it was amazing at how many signs of life  there were … decaying skeletons, animal tracks in the sand – desert mouse, cat, scorpion, camel … so interesting to see. scorpion tracks are everywhere – a bit disconcerting!

everyone got up we had coffee & tea prepared by suhiel on the campfire …

it was very interesting to watch – it is considered unclean to use your left hand for anything (other than personal business). as suhiel prepared the coffee and tea, he held his left hand out. it was as if he were letting us know “don’t worry, i will not put my dirty hand on your beverages”

after breakfast,  we packed up & road over the dunes to one of his camel “pens” (i.e.  a huge fenced in area in the middle of the desert).  there were about 15 camels in this pen. suhiel made this ticking noise – really soft – with his mouth and all the camels came over to us. i climbed inside the fence & made friends with the camels. amazing. the way they carry themselves and look at you reminds me of giraffes. they are gentle, soft-eyed creatures – even if a little stinky!

a new love affair has begun …

last week i was invited to have an afternoon meal at my co-teacher’s house. her name is doa’a. she is egyptian. and muslim. she dresses in western style clothes that are very conservative (cover her from her collar bone, to wrist, to ankle) and wears a head wrap. at school she is super sweet, a bit of a control freak (i.e. does EVERYTHING for the kids – down to doing their gluing for them … the montessorian in me just cringes!), SUPER MESSY, and can be very high strung. but – the most important thing here is the super sweet.

it’s thursday, so we get out of school @ 12:30 – by 12:33 we were at her house. she lives in the teacher housing in ghyathi (the town where we teach – it’s a horrible little town).
the housing is nice – very middle-eastern style. i.e. living room separate from the rest of the house – like a big entertaining room, all of the rooms are separate and off of the hallway and all have doors with locks. the doors are big & heavy and dark wood, the bathrooms have standing showers in the corner with no tub & no curtain, the toilets, of course, have spray hoses for cleaning your business …

she is married to an egyptian man & has 2 small boys (really small – 1 & 2 years old).
we get to her house & i meet her ‘assistant’ (nanny/housekeeper), joanna from the philippines, who speaks very good english & is adorable. adam (the 2 year old) loves me – we bond immediately. doaa’s husband is not home. (as she told me when she invited me over “my husband, he go away, so we have nice time with friend”).

doa’a immediately disappears into her bedroom & comes out in a super slinky little purple velour leisure suit – SUPER tight with lots of cleavage. AND – her HAIR is showing! i am completely fixated …
it’s amazing how different she looks with hair! her hair is long and dark and curly and beautiful. she is suddenly this beautiful woman….

i am told to “SIT” in this little chair in the kitchen while doa’a & joanna prepare the food. i have NEVER SEEN SO MUCH CHOPPING in all of my life. it was incredible. and the amount of spices all in these little unlabeled jars … and no measuring – just open the jar & dump in some spices … wow. the kitchen smells amazing. i am given tea & we chat in our broken sort of way. (doa’a’s english is limited & my arabic is non-existent) but we’re used to it & work it out.
then hannah (another egyptian teacher from my school whom i ADORE – lives 1 building over from doa’a) comes over with 2 of her kids – 2 beautiful little girls. hannah (pronounced ‘henna’) is super conservative muslim … wears and abaya, sheila, the face veil & all …

hannah comes in & immediately takes off her face veil & head wrap and then ….  she whips out her boob & starts breastfeeding. now, this is not something i would normally think twice about … but … imagine a woman whose hair you have never seen, all of a sudden her breast is in plain view?! i was a bit amazed. i admit, it was hard not to stare.

we all sit & chat & drink tea while the food is being prepared & the kids run all over the place.

THEN – it’s time to eat.  there is enough food for 10 of us, literally. doa’a serves me. i have 3 huge, full plates, a small fresh arabic salad, and a big bowl of soup. i am totally freaked out. in islam it is ‘hiram’ (forbidden – VERY bad) to waste food … so i know i’m expected to eat it all … damn.
the food is INCREDIBLE –
a chicken dish, charcoal meat of some sort, a dish with rice & sauce, soup, arabic salad, cheese & bread, grape leaves, olives … holy shit!
so, i eat and eat and eat – until i think i might die. i still have over 1/2 of my food left. no exaggeration. finally, i ask if i can take it home to eat for breakfast, lunch, & dinner for the rest of the weekend! “no problem, as you like” whew!!

afterwards, we all sit around and drink about 10 cups of mint tea.
then … DESSERT!!  flan. delicious.

hannah & doa’a tell me tons of things i don’t know about the arabic staff at my school. so interesting.
then they begin telling me how much they both like me. hannah says it’s because i am beautiful & show it in my smile. doa’a says it is because she can tell i love the children as if they are from my own country. wow. i am completely taken back.
after hours of talk, hannah & her kids leave. i try to leave, but am told “wait ms., sit, please” ok.
then, doa’a’s husband comes home. he iss a really nice man. speaks excellent english (went to college in europe) – we have really interesting conversation.
he says that they own a house in egypt and i am to come visit this summer. “well, i’m traveling with a friend this summer.” “of course you are! bring her! your friend is our friend, this is your home, come, come”. the hospitality is amazing.

i don’t leave until after 7 pm. over 6 hours! it is really an amazing experience.

these are the experiences i am looking for here …

unfortunately there are no pictures to share with you, as it is forbidden to photograph muslim women.

i have spent several days now attempting to vary my actives ~ to see and do it all ….  walking the streets of downtown, wandering neighborhoods & parks, checking out malls and shopping centers, visiting educational centers and the women’s union, perusing souks, seeing tourist spots, paperwork, paperwork, and more paperwork at government offices. through this, what strikes me most about this city is how cleverly the past and the present are intertwined.

as i walk through the bustle of the downtown streets, lined with high-rise buildings, six lanes of fast cars, bright lights everywhere, i see a sign for the camel beauty contest ~ an age-old tradition in this region.  next to me walk men wearing their kandoras (the long cotton ‘robe’-like outfits) that the men of the desert  have worn for centuries. across the street a kid in jeans and a t-shirt skates through the speeding cars as he sings along to his iPod.

on the corniche, there are jet skis pulling a kayak full of women in abayas across the bay … only for the women to catch the doah out to the island in time for sunset. as i walk through the park full of people dressed in traditional clothing from at least six cultures, i hear the call to prayer from the mosque across the street. just as the businessman pulls up in his lamborquini talking on his iPhone.

a doah sits amongst the skyscrapers

i check the internet on my phone to find out what time the carpet souk closes, only to get there to find a man working away making carpets on a century-old loom.

the carpet souk

it is truly amazing … it all seems so natural, so effortless, so seamless …

i am comfortably settled in to my hotel room in abu dhabi city … this room will be ‘home’ for a time. as i write, soft music plays on the radio, the curtains blow in the breeze, the  winter sun shines brightly on the mosque across the street, and i feel peaceful. i watch a man in a kandora sit under a palm nibbling on some small snack, an indian couple in beautifully colored tunics walk the path of palms, and muslim women in abayas navigate the sand.

i am meeting new people and seeing amazing sites. i went to a free concert this week on the corniche. the mix of people was something to behold ~ a true cocktail of cultures. the air was warm with a soft breeze off the ocean, the energy was festive, and the lights were bright. great music from three continents, dancing, dancing, and more dancing …

the grand mosque is breathtaking … white marble, incredible details everywhere, stunning views. one of the largest chandeliers in the world hangs in the main prayer room ~ weighing over nine tons. the largest single-piece of handmade carpet ever lines the floor of this room. the carpet is beautiful, thick and lush with lovely patterns and colors. special transportation methods had to be arranged to bring in this 40 ton carpet!

the malls are magnificent, shiny, and wealthy … you can find anything imaginable – and more – in the malls and shopping centers here. of course, the food courts have ‘western’ fast food. i could not imagine eating such with the local food … delicious salads, fresh hummus, an olive lover’s paradise!

the city is full of incredible architecture … shiny buildings of all shapes and sizes. and the streets are exceptionally clean. i have yet to see even a scrap of trash.

the al mina area may be my favorite yet. this is the port area, mostly local, where wholesaling and trading takes place. here i visited the iranian souk and fell in love with several beautiful tapestries. i also stumbled upon several small souks with beautiful hand-made pottery pieces from iran, turkey, saudi arabia, and, of course, the uae. functional art.

can’t wait to see what today brings …